What Do I Know of Holy?

Allow me to preface this by simply making a statement- I am not a blogger. I will not be good at this. I am busy. Lame excuse, I know. Believe me, I know. It has always been my excuse. I run to it with open arms anytime I need to get out of... well, really anything. In reality, those times that I spend "studying", I am often found sitting at my desk, all my books out, even with a pen in my hand... on facebook. Not surprising right?

Now please allow me to explain why I am even bothering starting this blog. I am part of an experience called Monvee. As part of my "growth", I selected blogging, or, "journaling" as they will call it. So this is me. My goal is to be completely honest. About myself. About my life. About my past. Even about my failures and my lies. So it's safe to say part of me truly wishes few people read this. I am terrified that people will learn the real me. But then again, that is the goal, isn't it? 

If, perhaps, anyone is happening to read this, and, even more surprising, enjoying this, please shoot me an email yelling at me when I procrastinate and don't post in a while. As if that'll happen. 

So, before I end this first post, let me say a few things about myself. The normal let's-be-superficial-and-introduce-ourselves-as-if-anyone-actually-cares-about-us thing.

My name is Kristin Renee Kekich. I was born in Kingman, Arizona, but I grew up in Bakersfield, California. I t hen moved to Aurora, Missouri in the middle of my eighth grade year. In fact, our first night in this glorious state was Halloween night of 2004. It's strange that it has been so long. I love Jesus, but, honestly, we fight sometimes. We- okay, I- are working on that. I am a sophomore at Evangel University. I love this school very much. It's my life. I am a Biology major (premed, of course). It's the hardest thing ever. Sure, I pretend like I am halfway intelligent, but really, I struggle. I struggle a lot. I feel like everyone else is so much more intellectual than I am. I am working on it though. I want to go to medical school after I'm done here.. but I have my doubts. How could I, this little dumb girl from this little dumb city, be great? Is that possible? Let me tell you a secret. Sometimes, I even doubt whether it's my calling. I mean, I can't imagine doing anything else. But, there is no way I'll be good at this. I'm not smart enough to even get the basics. And I feel like God is tight-lipped when it comes to telling me what He wants. That, or I'm just not wanting to listen. Probably the latter. 

So there's my issues with Him right now. I just don't know where I am at in life right now. I look like I have it all together. I talk the talk, sure. But I'm tripping up trying to walk the walk. I really know nothing of this master plan. And I feel like my knowledge of God is diminishing daily rather than growing. No, I don't know where my pathway is. I don't even know which pathway to take. What's even more, I don't even know where the pathway begins. But hey, what do I really know anyway?

I tried to hear from Heaven,
But I talked the whole time.
I think I made You too small.